I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
