we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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