you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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