Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
