Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
