living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
