We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
