I heard we made out
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
