dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
