Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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