Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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