well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I understand Curling. That high.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
