I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
