I cannot find my penis.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
