and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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