1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
