I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I got inside last night via doggy door
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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