well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Houston, we have a blender
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
