Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
