i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
