I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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