you would pick up someone in the library
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
