We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
