On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
