Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
