I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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