lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
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