Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
