I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
