I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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