YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
