I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
