she was so not down for the gang bang
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
