I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
