its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Ketchup is God's man juice
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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