She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
