You work out of a Hotel?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
