In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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