You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
