i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
