The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
