I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Redeem this text for a blowjob
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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