The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
