my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
