she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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