I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
