You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
