Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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