Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
