quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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