I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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