Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
